Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
