the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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