Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Is Oprah even human
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
