this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
