her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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