I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
