AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
