You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Houston, we have a blender
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We left the knife in your bed.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
