the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
