It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
