and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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