i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
