Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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