When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
