So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
