It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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