I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
