i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
