Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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