it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
