Ambien. No doubt about it.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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