I heard we made out
we have officially lost it.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize