I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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