p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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