I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
