Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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