he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
