It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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