dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
