dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My penis needs a shock collar
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
ok first of all what the fuck
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
