i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
