woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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