I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
