i permit you to call me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
