So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
