Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
