and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
