Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize