watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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