What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
