thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
