so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
