I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
