So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
