i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
