there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize