I just cut my nipple shaving
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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