She's JV to your varsity
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
