I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
