"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize