I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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