I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
