I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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