I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
