I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
