Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
