shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
