I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
