Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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