Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
