ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
