So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
