there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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